It begins now
by Hananiah
Summary: SPOILERS FOR SECRETS OF THE JEDI How Obi Wan felt after the scene in the room of the thousand fountains. Siriwan.
1. Default Chapter

Title: It begins now  
Summery: After the scene in the room of the thousand fountains Qui Gon finds Obi Wan  
Disclaimer: Characters and situations belong to George Lucas and Jude Watson  
:Text from Secrets of the Jedi  
BEWARE SECRETS OF THE JEDI SPOILERS! 

Obi Wan could not have guessed how long he had sat, listening to the fountains sing their song. It was the same song as he had heard when he had entered, yet his ears couldn't fathom the normalacy. It was as if he were temporarily deafened.

Mechanically he rose to his feet, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. His featues that had been set in the mosaic of greif slowly unravelled until a blank, expressionless mask replaced it.

If Qui Gon and Yoda wanted him to be a Jedi knight then he would be a Jedi. He would do his duty.

It was all he knew.

/It begins now/ her words echoed horrifcally against the coldness of his mind, challanged the cold ice that had settled over his thoughts, tempted the regrowth of pain.

He had no idea what lay ahead of him once he left this room. He couldn't make out the next few hours, or days or the next mission. He was hollow.

Siri had been a spark in his life, someone who had fullfilled him. He had been a whole person for that one breif moment when he had believed they could be together.

His footsteps interupted the pleasant harmony of the water as he walked.

If he couldn't be a whole person then he would be a whole Jedi.

He remembered Siri's determination to look forward, he could do that. He could teach himself that.

The walls blurred together. In all his eighteen years, Obi Wan never felt older.

Qui Gon waited.  
He knew Obi Wan would do the right thing. He didn't know how long Obi Wan and Siri would need to say goodbye. He was willing to wait.

The door opened and a mockery of his apprentice entered.  
He stood, proffering and arm in invitation to talk but Obi Wan shrugged him off numbly.

"I don't want to talk he gritted out, his eyes reflecting moisture but not allowing them to form into tears. 

"I did the right thing. I always do the right thing. That should make you happy"

Qui Gon's heart broke for his apprentice, it was as if were staring into a mirror of himself when the fact that Tahl had died had finally began to make sense to him.  
'Oh Obi Wan, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry thing couldn't be different for you'

"If you need anything Padawan..." 

"I don't" came Obi Wan's dull reply. Without asking, Obi Wan turned and walked to his quarters, the door slid shut quietly.

Qui Gon would have scolded him, but there was little of an apprentice to scold. Obi Wan was far too greif-stricken to listen and Qui Gon didn't have the heart to make it believable. 

Tomorrow Obi Wan would wake, he would dress in his Jedi uniform and he would go to class and spar and listen to Qui Gon's instructions, his face would show nothing of his suffering.

But Qui Gon would wait, and offer silent support until his apprentice was ready.

Even if it took years.

End


	2. Siri

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Siri

Her whole body was shuddering madly. Her Jedi training could not control this, could not make this pain go away. Gasping for air she slid to the hall, mindless that she was in a public walkway, that she could be observed easily. She didn't care.

Couldn't care.

She was dying.

Intellectually she knew that was not true. Her body was still working, forcing blood around her body.

But her heart...

It had never hurt like this before, a physical pain that ripped through her body as if she were in battle.

Why did it hurt so much? Why could she not move from this spot where she sad huddled as if she were a youngling afraid of the dark.

She felt young and innocent and trembling, forced into a new world where nothing made sense. It was similar to the world she had stumbled across with Obi Wan, but although that had frightened her she knew that Obi Wan was with her, that he would keep her standing.

Here she was alone.

Here she was dying.

She wanted to turn, made the effort so she once again faced the door, if she could just stand...could just press the switch, everything would be okay...she could tell Obi Wan that she didn't mean it...that she wasn't ready to let go.

She didn't move.

'Please make this go away' she begged, tilting her head to the ceiling which blurred before her eyes. She realized she was sobbing, real, harsh sobs that spoke of loss and heartache, the type she had witnessed from families torn apart on distance worlds, where all she could do was turn away and offer them some privacy in their grief.

This feeling ripped into her jugular and spurted blood each time she gasped for air in between deep heaving and ragged, cutting deeply into an open wound.

It was impossible for someone to feel this pain and regain whoever they were beforehand.

She was not the Siri Tachi she had been when she walked into the Room of the Thousand Fountains. She wasn't the same as the Siri Tachi who had boarded the transport however many days ago.

She didn't know who she was.

She didn't know who she was supposed to be now.

She may not be cut out to be in love but she didn't feel cut out to be a Jedi. Peace seemed so far away now she could barely comprehend the meaning.

She tightened her hands over her knees and laid her head upon them.

"I love you, Obi Wan"

And sobbed.


End file.
